Self Esteem
When other’s lives are just SO perfect
Sometimes we come across people who are really confident about themselves and are only too willing to start telling us about all of their achievements. Conversations can be very one sided and in their wake you can often be left feeling that you just don’t have it together, your life is not really as interesting, fun or exciting and you’re left feeling rather deflated.
This can especially be seen these days on social media, where we are always given the best and most beautiful images & stories of people and their lives. Even as adults when we know better and we know that we are seeing a snapshot in time (likely to be posed), we can still be dragged into comparing ourselves to others.
What is Healthy Self Esteem?
But what if this wasn’t healthy self esteem after all? What if healthy self esteem actually meant that you were able to build others up, share your achievements in a humble way, acknowledge your short-comings in a self compassionate way and know that at your core you and everybody else is unique - never to be repeated, unable to be grasped yet infinite & eternal.
When we have healthy self esteem we feel worthwhile, we feel secure in ourselves and our relationships and we know that we & everybody else, have something valuable to contribute to the world. Relationships are more positive and involve both giving and receiving and we are able to be more authentic to ourselves.
Healthy Boundaries & Less Reliance on External Validation
Healthy self esteem allows us to be more open to feedback because we have a deeper sense of ourselves, which in turn means we aren’t so reliant on the opinions of others for our self worth. We can be independent of external validation to affirm ourselves and we can reflect on situations more objectively and use them to learn and grow from.
If we have a good sense of our own self esteem and self worth we find that we can be clearer with our boundaries, value our own self worth and appreciate our own and other’s time as being valuable and worthy of being fully present to.
Healthy self esteem is intimately entwined with self acceptance whereby we can accept that we don’t need to conform to others expectations of us to be accepted and we don’t need others to conform to our expectations in order to accept them.
People with healthy self-esteem are less likely to develop mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders or addictions.
Signs of Healthy Self Esteem
Some signs of healthy self esteem are:
Being assertive in expressing needs and opinions while being open to hearing others needs and opinions
Being confident in one’s ability to make decisions
Being able to form authentic, secure, honest relationships, and discontinue unhealthy ones
Being realistic in expectations which means not being overcritical of yourself or others
Being more resilient and better able to endure stress and setbacks, knowing that you are more than just your achievements, but part of the greater picture of the Divine
Healing Self Esteem Problems
So this all sounds nice in theory right? Can we wave a magic wand and just get to this place? Maybe, maybe not.
I heard someone say the other day that healing is a journey not a one off event. I believe that this is true while at the same time I also believe that it is possible to have a spontaneous healing event. I’m always open to the mysterious in my life.
Raising Children with Healthy Self Esteem
So while for some people they’ve been lucky enough to have had healthy self esteem nurtured in them as children, for most people it is an ongoing process of identifying where the key points are, where they are stuck and what the core beliefs are that hold them back and make them play small.
As parents it's really important to also recognise this process in our children and to find ways that we can gently nudge them out of areas where they have limited beliefs or erroneous ideas about themselves. Self esteem is hugely supported and nourished by parents & caregivers and it is our jobs to lay the foundation for this in the early years.
We don’t do this by giving a prize for every little effort, but by being there, giving of our time, re-affirming our belief in them - that they are important, acknowledged, valuable and have something to contribute. We accept that as parents we are there to guide them and parent them - to have healthy boundaries and natural consequences, all the while knowing that on a soul level we are equal beings.
If we are prepared to listen, our children often have much wisdom and we can learn from them if we can put our own egos aside. It is important to note that we are aiming to get the self esteem to be an intrinsic activity not an extrinsic validation. If we give over our sense of self to the external we will always be giving away our power to something or someone else.
How can Homeopathy help with self esteem?
Homeopathy looks at the whole person - not just the physical, but the mental & emotional element of the person and where the energy is stuck. So we don’t look at the parts that are working, but where in the person they are stuck - what beliefs or unhelpful patterns do they have which are holding them back, limiting their full expression and making them unwell?
Because much of this is held in the subconscious mind we need to go to the subconscious mind in order to heal.
The first way we do this is by becoming aware of the pattern, the thought, the belief. We do this through the Homeopathic consultation - that is why the consultation in itself is so very powerful. So much comes to the surface that people didn’t know there was beforehand. When we bring these things up to the surface we now have the awareness to work with them and change them in a conscious way.
Homeopathic Remedies and Healthy Self Esteem
Secondly we use the remedies to go to the subconscious patterning - the blueprint which is holding the energy in the being and to shift and move it to allow a new response, a more wholesome and empowering belief, thought & pattern to be there. This is the easy bit for the client and the challenging part for the Homeopath! Finding the right remedy.
Here’s a little snapshot below of three different remedies which can be used for improving self-esteem.
Thuja
People needing this remedy will feel like they have something to hide, something to be shameful about. This hugely stops them being confident in life. They may give their power over to others in that they want others to think well of them and see them in a certain light. It is because of this that they will be very careful in their presentation to the world, in what they wear, in what they say and how they act. They can often be deceitful and lying, but this comes from a place of being terrified of rejection because they really believe underneath that they are bad people
Lac Caninum
This is a beautiful remedy for those people who are rejected, have very very low self esteem - even to the point of self loathing, but who will keep going back for more rejection from the place they received it. This pattern ends up making them feel angry and they can be very angry outwardly. They may also do anything to get just a little bit of attention or love from the person they perceive holds the power or the source of love in their lives. It can look like grovelling behaviour.
Calc Carb
This remedy suffers from a huge lack of self confidence and self esteem as they don’t like change. They are happy to just stick to their rock and hide themselves in their little shell. They have many many fears (one of the most fearful remedies) alongside a belief that they are going to fail. They dislike being observed by others, so won’t do anything when they think others are looking and may judge them. These are definitely the children who will be reticent to join in and who will watch how things work before joining in - even with play.
Of course we have literally thousands of different remedies and they are all just as powerful as each other - just like people! It takes the skill of a trained Homeopath to find the remedy that is right for the individual. It is worth the effort though as the changes you see when the remedy fits are truly outstanding.
Life takes on such a different outlook when people are more empowered to honour themselves and live from a place of healthy self esteem.
Click on the button below to go to our Free Resources Page to access more resources on Self Esteem
If you’re suffering from low self esteem there is hope with Homeopathy. Please use the button below to book an appointment.
For people living outside of Auckland or NZ - there is hope! I see people from all around the world via Zoom and the connection is excellent. Remedies can be obtained through Homeopathic Pharmacies worldwide.
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